


Strange mechanics

by SpaceMalarkey



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gen, Humor, Video Game Mechanics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-30 00:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20805230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceMalarkey/pseuds/SpaceMalarkey
Summary: Wild had spent enough time with the other heroes to realise they were really weird.





	Strange mechanics

Wild had spent enough time with the other heroes to realise they were really weird. One could argue that he was the weird one, seeing as he was often the odd one out, but Wild didn’t have time for such self deprecating thoughts. Honestly, the others would be so damn strange. He swore Time once said the earth was flat. 

FLAT!

How in the hell was that possible to even begin to believe?! Did Time not know basic science? At first Wild thought it was only Time who was a flat earther, but then Twilight joined the conversation, wondering what was at the edge of the horizon, and if anyone had been at the edge of the world and peered past the void. 

What.

The.

Heck.

Then Four had joined in, and Sky, and even Warriors, whom Wild believed to be an educated knight, and even Legend! The self proclaimed scholar of the group! 

Hyrule just tilted his head in question and asked why people would care if it was flat or not, food was way more important after all (and he is right, of course).

Then Wind, Wild's last hope for sanity glanced up with a stupid smile and said, "Yeah, obviously! The sea has currents in it because it falls off the edge of the earth!" 

Wild stared. 

Wind stared back with that stupid grin.

That little shit.

They all looked at him like he was the insane one! He wasn’t! 

"The earth is round, oh my god!" Wild found himself yelling. 

That was met with pitied looks. 

"It’s his memories," Twi said, shaking his head. 

"Oh, Wild" Sky muttered in that 'worried mother' tone. 

"It’s ok. The earth is flat, Wild. You know this. Everyone knows this," Legend spoke with sincerity. How the fuck?! Why was even Legend being nice about this? Why is Legend wrong to begin with?! Legend was usually smart enough to not be a complete moron! 

Wild turned to glare at Wind, who giggled. 

"You need to tell them the truth, Wind," he growled, trying to intimidate Wind enough to stop being a little shit. It didn’t work. 

"Wild," Wind began, smile splitting his face in two. "It’s ok, you must have lost those memories. The earth is flat." 

"IT’S NOT!"

When that whole earth debate had settled, and everyone had promised to get lessons from Purah and Zelda when they came to his Hyrule next time, Wild calmed enough to think about the other ways he was different from the rest.

  


They all, for some unfathomable reason, insisted on holding a new item over their heads and beam with pride. Even if said new item was a simple thing like a deku nut. 

All of them did this. 

Every.

Single.

One. 

Wind even did a little spin. Why the fuck. What good did it do to show every single new item to the gods?! Did they think Hylia would bless the items? Did they think that Hylia placed it there and them holding it above their heads would serve as their thanks? What the fuck was happening?!

Sky even loudly stated where he would place the items even though they ALL knew exactly where he would place them. He tended to find little pieces of amber and place them all in the same damn pocket with the rest of the little amber pieces. That one pocket was bulging with the sheer amount of them, yet he always insisted on saying "I found an amber shard! That goes here in my inventory!"

Everyone had looked at him with shock when Wild had shown them all the items he had in his slate. They didn’t believe him at first when he had explained that no, he really DID have this many arrows, and he really DID have this many rubies.

"But... you didn’t pick any up?" Warriors had asked, a puzzled look on his face. He looked utterly confused, like a tiny tiny child. 

"Yes I did?" Wild answered, feeling equally confused. 

"No, but you have to pick it up," Warriors mimicked the motion he always did, holding a tiny flower up towards the heavens. 

Wild was stunned for a few moments, before he cautiously asked "Why?" 

Warriors just stared at him as if he had grown a second head. 

"It’s just how you do it," he said.

Wild had kept to himself for a few days, until he was sure Warriors had forgotten that incident. Yet that sparked another incident entirely.

They found themselves in his house in Hateno, enjoying a rare day off from travelling when the subject of dinner came up. 

Wild wanted to make something special and he would need some cane sugar, which he currently had zero of in his slate. The others had insisted on paying for it, seeing as Wild had opened his home to them. They had all ignored one slight problem. 

They had no money. 

When Wild pointed that out, the rest went completely silent, before the all left the house. Probably going out to sell some stuff or trade, right?

Wrong.

Wild could hear them from inside, and decided to peek out from his upstairs window instead of going outside to deal with them all. They had really been a thorn in his backside recently with their bullshit. The sight that greeted him as he leaned his elbows on the windowsill was just as strange as he had come to expect.

They were cutting the grass in his yard. Furiously so. 

Why? Who the hell knows. Probably something outlandish as always.

"What are you guys doing?" he found himself asking, for gods only know what reason. The answer would be something dumb. 

"Getting rupees," Time answered, then cursed as the grass refused to yield him the gems he was wishing for. 

Wild wonders if he knows how stupid he looks.

"By mowing my lawn?" he asked sarcastically, earning a glare from the one eyed man. 

"There are rupees in the grass," he answered, going back to cutting with renewed energy, trying to prove Wild wrong. 

"You people exhaust me," Wild grunted and sat down, wanting to see how long they would keep mowing his lawn until they realised they weren't in fairyland anymore.

Wild had played about 30 rounds of Rope on his slate before the others admitted defeat and let Wild throw his rupees at them. 

"Go buy the sugar, dumb dumbs," he waved, distracted by the game. He could feel their disappointment. 

Hm, maybe he should hide rupees in his grass next time.

They might like that.

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus:  
“OH MY GOD?!?! You weren't fucking with me??”  
“No, I told you. There are rupees in the grass.”  
“WHO THE FUCK WOULD BELIEVE SOMETHING SO INSANE?”  
“You literally do more unbelievable shit every day, how come this is what breaks you?”  
“THAT’S SO UNFAIR!!”


End file.
